Wednesday, October 12, 2011

the day I almost lost it in Fred Meyer

Hello, it’s me.

Yes, me.  The one that nearly had a break down in the middle of Fred Meyer today.  Yep, right there in the store. 

It happened in between housewares and halloween when I discovered the fresh floral department was missing.  I had drug myself and the kids there to grab some flowers for a science project.  We loaded the cart with a few other things and then it all came crashing down.  The spot was empty.  No flowers.  No greens.  No balloons.  Nothing but a big empty space.

It’s kind of how I feel right now.  Empty.

As I fought back tears (seriously, over flowers) I looked over and found the floral department relocated.  Crisis averted and bottom lip sucked back in, we carried on. 

But the emptiness remained.

All I could think of when I drove home was that God’s grace is sufficient for me, his power is made perfect in my weakness.  My weakness seems so large today, but I know what God can do is bigger.  My particular weakness happens to have a name.  It’s Meniere's disease.  It’s usually not an issue, most days I am just fine.  But today is not like most days and I am at the end of myself.  At the end of my resources, at the end of my emotions, at the end of my strength.  Your weakness might be different, but if you’re human you know it’s there.  We’ve all reached the place where we are at the end of ourselves.

And that’s where God shows up.  When I’ve got nothing.  When I’m feeling worn out and as dry as an old sponge.  I have nothing to offer but empty hands and a prayer.  A prayer for a change of attitude, a prayer for a positive view on things, a prayer for strength to do the job he has set before me. 

He answers the cries of an aching heart.  He knows the limitations that I carry and he knows he is best glorified when he works through those limitations and reveals himself in spite of them.  I don’t really welcome the weakness, but I sort of do because I know it is an opportunity for his power to be displayed. 

So even now, at the end of myself and on the verge of tears I ask for his strength.  Renewal will come and someday this old crazy body will be made new on the other side of glory.  Until then I rely on God’s strength to reveal itself in my surrendered weakness. 

It’s a marvelous thing to behold, like the sun peaking over the horizon.  Something lovely for sure.  I woke up with this song in my head, except I was remembering the words as “something lovely” not holy.  But I think I needed the reminder.  Even in my mess, he wants to do something lovely in my life.  And that is lovely thing.

3 comments:

  1. Gina -
    This is amazing! I can so relate right now. In both the "melting down" and the emptying myself out for God to fill. I love reading what you write on here. Someday if we ever do get to move to the Bend area (something we've hoped for since we first got married), it will be really great to re-connect with you. Thanks for sharing your heart today because it encouraged mine.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i so hear you. you are reflecting my grace on a thursday post today. something in me felt relieved when you said you were at the end of yourself because that's where the Lord wants you, or course. that's where our faith is worked out and authored just a bit more. you're awesome and your vulnerability is beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "reveals himself in spite of them." {our limitations}. i hope so. i hope so. i'm in a cruddy place. so at the end of myself. so weak.
    i hope, some how, some way, HE WILL reveal Himself in spite of me.

    thank you.

    ReplyDelete

I love to hear from you! Thanks for coming by and sharing your thoughts with me.

LinkWithin Related Stories Widget for Blogs