this is a repost from last year, and as I’m getting ready to press publish my amazing husband just brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers, on his birthday no less. after 13 years, he knows how to romance his wife. but in all honesty, it hasn’t always been that way….and that is okay because he has always loved me, and he shows me in tons of different ways
I used to hate Valentine’s day. The rebel in me would dig in her heels and protest the thought of any day that is designed to make someone declare their love. I’ve always thought that declarations of love should be an every day thing, not just reserved for one certain day on the calendar.
As a child Valentine’s day was just fun. All the treats and the special mailboxes we made in class, and then there was the party at school. As a teenager Valentine’s was fun only if I happened to have a boyfriend, which I usually didn’t. As a young adult I was apathetic toward it, and sometimes entertained the notion of wearing all black in protest of the whole thing.
And then I got married. And all my expectations of Valentine’s day changed.
I imagined romance and flowers and candlelight. I think I got a card. Now, this is no attack on my husband. For those of you who know me in real life, you know that I have the greatest gift of a man any woman could want for. However, my man is ever practical and thinks that spending hard earned money on overpriced flowers seems a tad silly. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want those sweet sentiments of love. I used to feel slighted and unseen when my husband wouldn’t shower me with poetry and romantic things. I used to think he didn’t really love me, or even know where to begin to meet my innermost needs as a woman. And then I realized that I was focusing on the wrong things. I was so busy wondering why he didn’t bring me flowers that I didn’t see him washing my car. And I was consumed over the nerve of him to not leave me love notes when he was riding his bike to save our family gas money. And I was grumbling so much over the lack of romance in our lives that I was completely clueless when he rearranged his schedule so that I could have an afternoon away from the rigors of motherhood.
The point is that Valentine’s day can be pretty tough and it can unleash all sorts of emotions about our own unmet expectations. It can cause a woman to think that her husband must not really care because he didn’t demonstrate it in a pretty red heart shaped package.
No day is big enough to fill our unmet longings and needs, and for that matter, no man is big enough either. It isn’t fair for me to place the heavy burden of loving me solely on my husband. Because I was made for more. I was made for an eternal relationship. Deep inside of me there exists a place that can only find satisfaction and fulfillment from God. No where else. Not even my husband can fill that deep place, only God himself. And for me to expect all of that of Zac is just not right.
Valentine’s day can be magical if we can focus on who truly romances us. Available to me is a love that is pure and holy and straight from the presence of God. I am ever humbled over God’s great love and grace in my life, and his non stop pursuit of me leaves me undone. He is the one who created romance because he knew that’s what would draw me to him.
Because of that great love I have the ability to love others. Because of that great love I can rest secure in my husband’s love, however he expresses it. And because of that great love I strive to show the people in my life how I feel about them, every day.
My perspective on Valentine’s day has changed because of my perspective on God. And that has shifted Valentine’s day from a pity party to a celebration.