Tuesday, September 18, 2012

School Days and the Desperate Prayer for Wisdom



We are on week two of school around here. And I just have to say, that there have been some "moments" around here since day one.

Moments like the one when I ran my van into the side of the garage on Wednesday when I took all three kids to school for the first time ever, the first time ever for my little first grader. I guess I was having a hard time seeing around my tears. And the giant sunglasses I wore to hide them. All I had to say to my husband was "I have many other fine qualities." The new side mirror has been ordered and is on the way.

And then there are the crazy moments of running two girls to ballet lessons right after school, back go back, two days in a row. It's made for hectic crazy evenings, despite my planning ahead and getting dinner in the crockpot.

And maybe worst of all is the fact that my first grader has had homework every single night, even though her older brother and sister have none. The fact that the homework is merely busy work is not helping, it's the same tedious thing every night. There were lots of tears over this tonight and I really can't blame her. She is exhausted and this is not helping. Phone calls to the teacher just may be in order, and desperate cries of help to the God who placed her in this class, with this teacher.

All of it makes me feel like I just have no idea what I'm doing; how to do this school thing, how to mother them here in this season, or how to make the evenings peaceful despite all the other things going on. I know we are just adjusting, I'm hopeful that we'll get it together soon. But, man, this is tough.

In it all I'm yearning to hear God's perspective, to hear how to respond. Today I was reminded that the wisdom I need is only a question away.

If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help and you won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. (James 1:5 MSG)

The NIV says it this way: if any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God.

I'm in need of a large dose of wisdom, and quickly. And then I'll also take an extra measure of grace. Grace for me, grace for my kids in this adjusting season.

Oh, and I miss them. The quiet days are nice but I just want to be with them at the end of the day, not fighting over homework and chores and bedtimes. I know that we are right where we are supposed to be, having them at the school they are in. And on nights like tonight I cling to that knowledge like the croaking frog across the room is clinging to the side of the terrarium.

And so I pray for wisdom, and I stand believing that God will give it. Because if the good Book says it I know it's true.

6 comments:

  1. I think so many moms these days are too hard on themselves. there is this pressure and this idea of a perfectly running, smooth household full of peace. that is not reality. we don't live in a perfect world! i think by accepting that things will be crazy, and some days crazier and some days maybe not so crazy, but by realizing and accepting these days is the first place to start! you are an amazing mother and doing all the right things for your family--
    my main goal in this house was DO NO HARM and TO be the face of LOVE and to be peacemakers. If you are doing those things and instilling those things--you can't go wrong, and it's a process, it takes time!!! Have you taken a look at the schedule to see if there is anything you can do to change it so it's less hectic for you all?

    Go easy on yourself Gina, be gentle with you!!!

    xo

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    1. Thank you Gina, I know I can tend to be a bit hard on myself :) I had a great conversation with the teacher and things have gone smoothly since. We will see how it works out in the weeks to come.

      And I love your goal to do no harm, that is so important in a family!

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  2. Girl, I hear you loud and clear. I told a friend yesterday that sending kids to school isn't the easy way out; it's simply trading one set of challenges for another. There is grace for you, grace for your kids, and grace for their teachers. We've been at it for a month now and I tell myself I have to give it a substantial length of time in order to see what remains consistent. The 6th grade homework has been ridiculous but there have been some important life lessons already about time management and perseverance.

    As for the schedule itself, we've overhauled it 3 times. We said no or eliminated almost everything extra except a weekly 2-hour gymnastics class for our oldest. We even eliminated her after-school tutoring {for dyslexia} and are bringing that in-house for now. It's simply a lot of trial and error around here and that's okay. Hard doesn't equal bad or wrong--that's what I keep telling myself. We have to give everything a fair shot and that takes time and as you mentioned, wisdom. Hang in there, friend. I am walking this road alongside you and it's not easy. A homeschooling background has a way of making us extra squinty-eyed and scrutinizing when we hand over their education to someone else.

    {Sheesh, I think this is about the longest comment I've ever written!}

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    1. I love your long comment!

      And I love that you and I here together, it's so tricky, the adjusting and trial and error. And I know I am extra critical of things, simply because of our homeschooling years. Thankfully, her teacher is flexible and we've had some good conversations. I just keep telling myself "one week at a time." We are sort of heavy on the extra curriculars right now, but I know those are necessary for at least one of my children. (I'm sure each of us has one that needs extra work, and an extra outlet for their busy mind.)

      I know we'll fall into grove, it'll work and then we'll adjust it when it stops working. All one week at a time!

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  3. "Because if the good Book says it I know it's true." Keep clinging, friend.

    Adjusting is hard.

    I tend to be selfish about MY TIME with our family. This is an adjustment for me this year with Noah in high school. I see my time dwindling. Learning to rejoice in what is and not what I want it to be.

    May God magnify His wisdom on you.

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    1. yes, and thank you-it's really like Scooper said. I've traded one set of challenges for another, but God has been gracious. We're getting through and it's even getting better. I do so desperately miss our family time, though-weekends have become precious!

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