Thursday, November 15, 2012

dreaming

I am a dreamer. Well, at least I used to be. But lately the dreams seem so small. As a child I dreamed up grand plans for life, complex stories and adventures that took me around the world vanquishing evil and finding true love. But now I find myself underwhelmed by the smallness of my dreams, the smallness of my life. I get the kids to school and go on with the day, walk the dog, sort the mail, head back to school to volunteer, mop the floor, fix dinner, pick up the kids. And then repeat it all. Day after day, week after week. And maybe because I don't have kids being schooled at home, I wonder what on earth I'm doing that really matters.

I used to read books, real books. But technology distracts, and the time slips by. And I long for a real good book in hand. Just like I long for those big dreams. I used to plan way in advance and now I have a hard time thinking through the week. It's the way of life, always changing and shifting and slipping through my fingers like sand at the beach.

If I were to sit down and dream I wonder what I would dream up. If I could do anything, what would it be? This is the stuff of God sized dreams. And lately when my life feels small I think back to those dreams. If you could do anything, with a guarantee of success and an endless supply of funds, what would you do? I wouldn't spend my days in mediocrity. I would live loud and deep, stretching myself to do what is only possible with God's help.

Zac and I have been talking about dreams lately. What, really, what would you do? We toss out crazy ideas, we toss out small ideas. We talk in circles of ministry and missions trips and a wildly huge bank account filled with money to give away and bless people. And then we sit in quiet, pondering the what and why not and all that stuff. We have no desire to change anything in our lives, we know we are right smack dab in the middle of where God wants us. But sometimes we long for the adventure that comes along with big dreams. We never quit asking, what now? And how? God sized dreams don't always involve moving. They could start with a simple walk across the street to reach your neighbors. God sized dreams may not require a passport, they may be as close as the local elementary school. God sized dreams are not always for the next season in your life, they could be best lived out right where you are.

All I know is that end of the day I want to able to say that I lived it doing just what I was supposed to be doing. Maybe some days that is just sitting with kids, and managing home, and being wife and mom. I can think of no higher calling, and isn't that what I always said I wanted to be when I grew up? That and a teacher. Check and check. And isn't it the stuff of dreams that I got to be a mom and a teacher right at home, at least for a season?

Sometimes the dream of motherhood feels small and insignificant. Sometimes it seems so not glorious and awe inspiring to help with homework and read stories and bake bread and stick on band aids. But, at the end of the day I should be mighty satisfied that I am living that dream life. Is that a God sized dream? You bet it is. It is God sized because I absolutely need God to pull it off. I cannot live this dream out alone.

I know that seasons of life will change and so will the dreams I live out. And I know that some of the stuff I dream of now are only seeds planted for the next season. But what I really want to remember right now is that sometimes I get too caught up dreaming of the next thing that I forget to live out the dream I'm right in the middle of. It doesn't feel like the stuff dreams are made of when you're right in the midst of the hard work and mundane tasks, but take a step back. Farther still. And you'll see. It really is. Right where you are is right where God wants you to be. And by his sovereign hand you can live out that God sized dream that he intends.

What is your wild, God sized dream? And who's to say that you're not already on your way to living it out?

And about those books I used to read, what are you reading these days? This girl really needs some inspirational reading.



(this photo was taken by my dear friend while I was in New York, living out a God sized dream)

2 comments:

  1. i'm a dreamer too. a couple years ago i mentioned to my husband that i had dreampt myself this far. i felt defeated at the time, thinking "well, that's it, this is all my life will come to." however after my long pity party i remembered that my God is the God of the universe, and he's got more for me, i don't know what it is, but he's got more than all my dreams.

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    Replies
    1. I know the feeling, I've been there lots lately. Until I look around and remember that God's plans are far greater than mine, and I am not done yet.

      Aren't you glad that he has good things for us, his kids?

      Have a wonderful, blessed Thanksgiving my friend!

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