Thursday, January 3, 2013

silence


Sometimes the words come out slowly, like cold sap on a winter day. Sometimes they pour out like water rushing from a broken dam.

And sometimes we just have to wait for them to come to their full shape. The end of 2012 found me busy, but it also found me speechless. I tried to put pen to paper but would only end up staring out the window at the falling snow. And so I went with it.

We spent the end of the year with family visiting from out of town. It was a jubilant end to a rather remarkable year; the kids went to public school, we soldiered on in ministry through lots of changes, and successfully completed another landscaping season. A husband who has work marked by the seasons means that our lives are at the mercy of the calendar, we walk out lean winters and revel in lush summers as we learn the delicate balance of small business cash management. On a related note, we took a Dave Ramsey course and can honestly say that it has changed our financial lives. Big time. But that is not what this is about.

Today is about marking the seasons, from one to another. With family in town it was almost too easy to miss the oppurtunity to ponder the end of one year and the dawn of another. But in between the trips and games and movie nights I have been thinking and praying. I wonder at this new year and what it will hold. And I prayfully seek how to face 2013.

December began and I found myself thinking of silent nights, not just for singing carols but for keeping my heart still. So in the midst of Christmas revelry I pursued moments of peace and silence. I prayed about the coming year and found silence in response. And so I spent a lot of time quiet. I have a feeling that 2013 will hold much the same for me.

If I could pick one word for the year I don't think I could do it because the only word that continues
to come to me is silent. Silence for an entire year can be pretty intimidating, so my little brain will
only go with this one month at a time. January will bring quiet, not going into a monestary and taking a vow of silence kind of quiet. Maybe just a stillness of my heart. I do know that it will include a backing out of most extra things, so I can pursue that silence. I will just focus on being a wife and a mother and a homemaker. And most importantly, I will be a girl who sits regulary at the feet of Jesus. I honestly don't know what that will look like. I may stop writting here, or I may slow it way down. Or I may find that a streamlined life opens the door for new words. I just can't say, and yes, I get the irony. All I know is that right now he calls me to silence, to be still and know that he is God. I might process out some stuff here as I go, because we all know that the life of following Jesus is always full of changes and challenges and sometimes we just need to hash things out. Does the thought of silence scare you like it does me? It makes me nervous to even admit this big scary word here, for all to see. But I know it also brings out a sort of accountablity. If I say it here, I better be living it out in the real world.

So 2012 I salute you, for coming with all your joys and heartaches, ups and downs. And I welcome you 2013, and whatever you will bring. Silence all year? I don't know if I could bear it, but I do know if he calls me to it he will help to do it.

1 comment:

  1. the LORD in you is lovely. I pray for whatever he wants to grow and bloom in you to take place, and for you to continue to be receptive to follow him wherever and however he leads you.

    ReplyDelete

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