Wednesday, July 17, 2013

14 ways to stay married (part two)

Make Sex Work

Moving right along, let’s think about sex. That has to be a priority. Fourteen years into it, I’ve learned at least that much. It can’t be a priority just concerning time, but it needs to be a priority in doing it well. Get better at sex. Let’s face it, it probably didn’t come naturally. At first it’s kind of weird and awkward and you feel like you have no idea what you’re supposed to be doing. As you stay married though, you learn things and naturally it just keeps getting better. But since you’re married and your vows most likely included something about life, you have to realize that you’re in this for the long haul. A lifetime is way too long to settle for ho-hum sex. If something isn’t working, get help. See a doctor. Have your pastor recommend some books. Pray about it. Yep, pray about it. Even that. Be open to trying new things. Make it fun and you’ll both be winners. 

Have some me time

It’s pretty darn good to have some hobbies and personal interests. It’s actually really healthy. Especially if one of you is a homemaker, stay home with the kids kind of person. But even if you’re not you still need me time. Everyone has some need for quiet and personal time, and for time to do something just for them. There’s nothing wrong with that, and that just for me time usually recharges us so that we can be fully there with our spouse and family. But it should also have a balance.

Then have some us time

A marriage cannot be maintained if you never spend time together. And I would argue here that some sort of hobby done together is a huge benefit to your relationship. So play together, whether you go on bike rides, or take historical tours or race each other to finish the daily crossword puzzle. Zac and I spent my third pregnancy racing through the daily Sudoko puzzle. It was silly, but it was something we did together. So be willing to try a new hobby with each other; you’ll not only learn something new, which is good for your brain; but you’ll be better connected and stronger as a couple. Also, you’ll be adding something new and (hopefully) exciting to your routine, and that is a tremendous benefit to keep the marriage fires going.

Maintain your physical appearance

So you’ve been married for a while now, right? Or not yet, but you hope to be? Remember how you used to doll yourself up before a date? How you’d plan the clothes and hair and really work at making yourself look irresistible? Don’t stop doing that. Let’s face it, marriage brings along with it some major predictability. And in a way that’s really nice. But it also can lend itself to a whole lot of complacency. We might figure that our spouse loves us as we are, no matter what we look like. And we’d be right. But just like fine dining, presentation counts. The presentation of a beautiful looking meal makes me want to dive in with abandon. The same goes for our physical appearance. Just because we’ve been together forever and a day doesn’t mean our spouse won’t appreciate some care and concern made towards our physical appearance. This means that I put on a bit of blush and fix my hair before my husband comes home from work. It means I get out of those comfy sweats that I’ve been wearing all day and put something else on, maybe even something a little sexy? And for the guys? Shave, get a haircut, invest in a suit that fits like a glove. My husband works as a landscape guy, so most days he’s pretty grubby. He doesn’t get dressed up for work. And that’s fine. But at the end of the day, when he’s showered and shaved and wearing those jeans I just can’t help myself around him. And that’s a really good thing for our marriage.

Come back next week for the final 5.


  1. Hi Gina -
    I've been reading your blog for quite awhile now and I gotta say I just love your "keeping it real' posts. Always my favourites!

    I'm just glancing down to see if you have a category called 'sex stuff' in your labels ... uh, nope ... b/c that comes up pretty often! :)

  2. It does come up quite often, doesn't it? I guess I am keeping it real ;)

    Thanks for reading, and sticking around despite the keeping it real stuff!


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