Wednesday, April 9, 2014

on finding refuge

I’m feeling wordless. I realize that’s an ironic thing to say, as I type out words and string them all together. But the truth is that there is a weightier thing on my mind.

Months and months of monthly pain and suffering found me on an ultrasound table last week. My nurse practitioner didn’t like what she saw. So I have an appointment to see the doctor to figure out what the next is. 

I have avoided Google and Web MD like the plague. And I just keep going day by day, waiting. It’s not really a fun place to be mentally. But I am so I’m thankful for God’s amazing timing in this whole thing, because just a few weeks ago he had Zac’s mom bring me a book on Psalm 91. I’ve been reading and meditating and memorizing these precious words since then. In the last two weeks I have crawled through the first four verses. And I stay there.

Psalm 91 is a promise and a prayer for God’s protection. And here’s where it matters to me today. I don’t know what’s going on with my body. At the most simple, it’s a minor issue and wrangling my hormones back into balance will take care of it. But then there’s the other side, and that’s what I don’t know. So today I have a choice to make. I can choose to dwell on the unknown and the possibility for something awful or I can choose to dwell on the Lord.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I get to choose today where my thoughts go. I can dwell on the negative, or I can focus on God’s goodness instead. 

I will say of the Lord he is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.

I can say today that I’m afraid of what’s going with me, or instead I can say the life giving truth that God is my refuge and my fortress. He is ever trustworthy and able to meet me where I am most needy.

It is he who delivers you from the fowlers snare. And from the deadly pestilence.

My God is the one who keeps me safe from the hidden traps of the enemy, and he is also the one who delivers me from disease and sickness.

He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge.

He protects me like a mother hen, who spreads her wings wide for her chicks to come underneath. He makes a safe place for me there when they enemy is swooping overhead. 

His faithfulness will be your shield and your rampart.

God’s faithfulness will be my protection. My safety doesn’t come because of anything I do or earn, it comes because God is faithful and he is good, and I have made a choice to dwell in his presence. He is a shield, used to defend against the enemy and he is a rampart. A rampart is often a structure that is on the city wall, used for looking out to see the enemy approaching and provide a place to take defensive measures. God is that defensive protection for me.

He is a refuge for you as well. Whatever we face, sickness or unemployment, loss or discouragement, God is our help and defense. Our response is simply to make a choice as to where we dwell and what we say. Do we choose to dwell on God and his faithfulness, or do we focus on our problems and lack? Do we choose to say that our problems are just too big, or do we choose to say that God is our refuge?

I don’t know what I’ll hear on Thursday. But I do know that God isn’t surprised. Because of these words I am at peace over it all. I am not worried because I know where my hope lies. I’ve known him long enough to know that he is always faithful, and he is always good, and I know I can say that even if I hear the worst. But at the same time, I know he is able to work in my body even at this very moment and deliver me from sickness and disease. And I choose to trust in that.

What’s your struggle today? Where do you need God to meet you, and can I pray for you about that?

The comments are open, or shoot me an email:

I’d love to pray for you as I wait.


  1. Yes and amen! So be it! When we speak God's Word out loud it is powerful ~ and I am amazed at how much it grows our faith too; we can truly entrust all that concerns us to Him and be at peace.
    We trust in the only One who knows and is powerful over all things!
    Love you!

  2. I'm sorry. Sorry for your pain. Sorry for the struggle that happens in the mind when pain hits hard and long. I know it all well. And I know God deeper because of it... and I know you get that. So even though I ache and hope for healing and relief for you, I also know with you that God uses every little thing for His glory, and He's using this.
    I know it. Keep pressing into Him with Psalm 91- oh how good it was of him to go ahead of you , and provide your needs , and true comfort with Himself!

    Listen to this song... I'm praying it for you- praying you'll remember in the pain in the concern "He withholds no good thing from us."


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