Friday, September 12, 2014

how to sew a slipcover-in 15 easy steps




Step 1:
Think about it for months (or maybe a year). Think about how great white slipcovers would look on those dark couches, the ones that suck the light and the soul out of the entire room. Covet every white couch you see.

Step 2:
Ask God to forgive your discontent heart and help you to be grateful for what you have.

Step 3:
Repeat steps one and two for about a year.

Step 4:
Convince your husband that it would greatly benefit the whole household, and all its members if the couches were white, instead of soul sucking dark brown.

Step 5:
Agree with your husband to wait two weeks before buying expensive fabric with money from your family slush fund. Because your husband is right, it is almost that time of the month.

Step 6: 
Patiently (or not) wait agreed upon two weeks. Your love for all things white is still going strong. Promise your husband that you will sew to the best of your ability and then be his BFF like forever, with a cherry on top, just for good measure.

Step 7:
Watch the stars align when the budget frees up some extra cash and the kids are heading out to spend a week away with the grandparents. Order fabric and spend one week waiting in prayer and supplication, with fasting and gnashing of teeth, that you actually ordered the right fabric and got enough.

Step 8: 
Exclaim in jubilation when the UPS man arrives with the fabric, try not to hug his neck when he brings the roll to the door. 


Step 9:
Spend two days crying because you actually now have to do the hard work of sewing slipcovers, rue the day you were born and the crazy hair brained idea that you could do this. 

Step 10: 
Watch endless youTube videos on sewing slipcovers. Eat too much popcorn in the process and get a stomach ache.


Step 11: Actually get to it and make the slipcovers.


Step 12: Repeat step 11 for the entire week that the kids are away, cursing your pin pricked fingers and consuming ungodly amounts of cold brew. Figure that you are destined for crazy town to have ever thought of such an idea. 

Step 13:
Bemoan the fact that you have no idea how to install a zipper for the cushions.


Step 14: Just hem the ends and pin them together, praying no real seamstress ever finds out about your dirty little sewing secret. 

Step 15: Rejoice in your efforts. Smile proudly whenever someone compliments your homemaking ingenuity, while sneakily sidestepping over in front of that backwards seem on the front of the big sofa, all while praying that no one gets poked with an errant pin.


So to sum up: it's really quite simple to sew slipcovers for your couches. If you ever thought that you might be up for the challenge, may this be your gentle kick in the rear to just make the darn things. 


Really, if you want to wreck a butt load of white fabric because it makes you happy in your own house, then do it by golly. It’s your house and you make the rules.

The end.

And here’s where I apologize if you thought you might actually get a real tutorial, with helpful hints and all. Clearly, you can see by now that I am the last person on earth qualified to tell you how to do this. Please click on the links below if you’d like to see how real seamstress people make slipcovers. 





Also, Miss Mustard Seed has a 6 part video series. And she really knows what's she's doing. Unlike me.


Also, one more thing......


I realize that on the heels of a post about contentment at home, and desiring what we don’t have, that it seems ironic to be posting about making white slipcovers. I was by all means not discontent about the couches we have. I love them. But I thought they would look great white. I thought about this whole thing for over a year. In the meantime, I struggled with contentment and gratitude for the great brown couches we have (they are for reals 1960’s vintage!). And for a long time a slipcover project was just not in the cards, and so I choose to be happy with what I had. As you can see from step 7, things changed and the winner of the most patient husband of the year said yes. The rest is history.

2 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness, this made me laugh. I am proud of you! As for me, I totally have Step 1 nailed. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay for step 1! You're on your way ;)

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