Wednesday, October 8, 2014

one question every control freak needs to ask

This post might be more appropriately titled: How not be a control freak when you think building a strong tall tower, moving out to the middle of nowhere, or raising your kids on a deserted island, all seem like good ideas.

A wonderful thing happens in life. We grow up, and then we find a special someone. We say I do with the big puffy white dress on. And then we do the thing that creates children often enough that we actually create children. At least this the way children came to me. They may have shown up in a different way at your house, or in a different order. How they got here isn’t really the point. 

The point is help, I’m a parent and I just want to smother them for their own good.

I fully admit here and now, for the thousandth time, that I am a recovering control freak. I like to do things my way, and prefer for everyone else to do things my way. I get strangely irritated when my plans get changed, or when the house isn’t clean enough. I tend towards nagging for no other reason than I want it done my way. 

It’s not really fun to live with me. 

Nowhere have my tendencies towards control freakishness come out more than in the parenting of my children. 

I went through seasons where we practically drank hand sanitizer, because germs are icky and we just couldn’t get sick. 

And my kids? They have the nerve to keep on growing up and leaving me to deal with pre teens and adolescence and all the confusing things that happen then. I strictly forbid them to get older, but they are naughty, naughty people and continue to do so. 

They’re growing up, and it has caused a resurgence of my control freak ways. I get fearful. And I worry. I feel all the things until I can’t hardly pull my shoulders out of my ears because I’m all jacked up on stress and tension.

Parenting with your shoulders up to your ears is just not fun. 

I’m realizing that parenting out of fear only propels me to control my kids even more. But parenting out of trust gives us all freedom. 

Behind my need to control is a fear of what might happen to my kids. Its root is a lack in trust in God. 

Do I trust the God that gave me the children I have to protect them when I’m not there? Because bubble wrap and tall towers are not practical, and they only teach our kids that the world is scary, or that mommy is delusional.

Do I choose to walk in trust? Or do I choose to allow my fear to cause me to control them even more? 

Next time we’ll talk about what fear based parenting looks like and compare that with trust based parenting. Remember the goal? We are chasing after God’s freedom in our lives, and learning how to let go to let him control things. 


This is part of a month long series, End of the Line, quitting the legacy of control. We're after freedom here, not just for us, but for our kids as well. 

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